Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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