FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
