Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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