We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
