I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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