You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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