My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
