I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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