whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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