Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
