what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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