I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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