I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
