My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
