I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
