I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
