mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
