I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
