Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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