Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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