They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
