Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
