Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
