I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
