dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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