Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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