Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
