Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
