Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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