how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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