Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
