Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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