I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
