I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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