i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
