she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
