When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
