grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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