My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
