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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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