Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
