I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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