1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
