is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we should paint friendship bongs
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