ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
