I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
