When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know her cup size but not her name....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
