im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
