We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
