Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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