I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
