True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
