im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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