sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
